Her eyes were silent, and Father Ignatius raising his voice, spoke Btemly and powerfully, as he was accustomed to speak with penitents:
“I am aware that you are under the impression that I have been the cause of Vera` death. Reflect, however, did I love her less than you loved her? You reason absurdly. I have been stem; did that prevent her from doing as she wished? I have forfeited the dignity of a father, I humbly bent my neck, when she defied my malediction and departed hence. And you did you not entreat her to remain, until I commanded you to be silent? Did I beget cruelty in her? Did I not teach her about God, about humility, about love?”
Father Ignatius quickly glanced into the eyes of his wife, and turned nwav.
“What was there for me to do when she did not wish to reveal her sorrow? Did I not command her? Did I not entreat her? I suppose, in your opinion, I should have dropped on my knees before the maid, and cried like an old woman! How should I know what was going on m her head! Cruel, heartless daughter!”
Father Ignatius hit his knees with his fist.
“There was no love in her that` what! As far as I am concerned, that` settled, of course I`m a tyrant! Perhaps she loved you, who wept and humbled yourself?”
Father Ignatius gave a hollow laugh.
“There` love for you! And as a solace for you, what a death she chose! A cruel, ignominious death. She died in the dust, in the dirt a d-dog who is kicked in the jaw.”
The voice of Father Ignatius sounded low and hoarse:
Undeserving daughter
“I feel ashamed! Ashamed to go out in the street! Ashamed before the altar! Ashamed before God! Cruel, undeserving daughter! Accurst in the grave!”
When Father Ignatius glanced at his wife she was unconscious, and revived only after several hours. When she regained consciousness her eyes were silent, and it was impossible to tell whether or not she remembered what Father Ignatius had said.
That very night it was a moonlit, calm, warm and deathly still night in May Father Ignatius, proceeding on his tiptoes, so as not to be overheard by his wife and the sick-nurse, climbed up the stairs and entered Vera` room.
The window in the attic had remained closed since the death of Vera, and the atmosphere was dry and warm, with a light odor of burning that comes from heat generated during the day in the iron roof. The air of lifelessness and abandonment permeated the apartment, which for a long time had remained unvisited, and where the timber of the walls, the furniture and other objects gave forth a slight odor of continued putrescence.
Read More about Memoirs or Chronicle of the Fourth Crusade part 116
